midmonth thoughts

February 16, 2009 Leave a Comment

So far this month, I have:

  1. Got a total of 9K words on the new book
  2. Revised and submitted a short
  3. And am in the process of revising another short

My plan was revise and submit three shorts this month. One was to be the latest Elinor story, but I think I need to write a prequel first. The story I have just doesn’t have the high stakes and desperation that it should. I know, I can’t give Elinor a break. Things have to keep getting worse for her.

I went back into the vault and dug up a short I wrote a few years ago (titled Glider World: A Story; intriguing I know). I’ve always liked this story, but something about the way I resolved the plot bothered me. I thought up a fix, but that would mean gutting the story, changing the locale and throwing out most of the 7K words I’ve written on it. Worth it? I don’t know. I see short stories as one-shot things; either they work or they don’t, moving right along now.

My next contender I can’t find a good market for.

It’s not been the best writing month for me. My constant companion has been this niggling little voice whispering and whispering, “Why bother? There are so many better writers out there. Just sit back and enjoy their books. Why bother? There are so many books in the world already, more than anyone could possibly read. Why bother?” I’m ignoring it, but I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t negatively affected my motivation.

This is not a very cheerful post, is it? How are you doing?

Filed Under: goals, kai, motivation, short stories

i’m doing it for love. really.

December 27, 2008 5 Comments

I know that writing fiction does not generate much income. I know that most novelists do not support themselves on their royalties and advances.  Then I read articles like this one and I really know it.

It’s not the lack of money more than it is the lack of readership that bothers me. My husband says that it’s a pride thing instead of an avarice thing for me. Darn right. If I’m spending all this time crafting and polishing my stories, I’d like to have lots of readers, please. Preferably tens of thousands of them.

That said, I got a thousand words on the last story of this month. So, despite my pessimism, I’m still planning on inflicting my work on the unsuspecting populace. Oh, and ALSO, I got my contributor copy of Neverlands and Otherwheres which includes my story Second Sight (written as R. A. Gale). I got a real kick out of watching my husband read my story in its published form. Hee.

Filed Under: challenges, money, motivation, news, self-promotion, short stories

the paralysis of perfection

November 19, 2008 Leave a Comment

I admit it, I’m one of those moms who gets twitchy every time one of my kids colors outside the lines or decides that orange lettuce and purple tomatoes make an appetizing-looking salad. I was very uptight about the whole “place your sticker correctly in the space, properly aligned” and “follow directions to a T” business when the Firstborn was starting out on activity books, hovering to make sure he was doing it “right”. I’m pleased to note that my expectations of toddler and preschooler fine motor skills are far less unrealistic today than they were two years ago. While the Firstborn was made to color things yellow because darnit, that’s what the directions said to do, the Princess has the freedom to pick from a rainbow of choices. She is also free to pick markers over crayons, because really, markers are just plain more fun to color with.

The point of all this being that once upon a time my attitude was: if it can’t be done right, then it won’t be done at all.

Perfectionism is a beast I battle quite regularly in all areas of my life. It’s like a many-headed Hydra; if I chop one head off, it sprouts another as soon as my back is turned. Just this week I balked at actually starting any of the short stories spinning in my head on the pretext that they weren’t ready.

Well, the truth is that I wasn’t ready to write anything less than perfect.

Once I got to the root cause of my procrastination, I pulled out that trusty old Sword of Slaying and hacked off yet another head of the perfectionism beastie. Then I opened up Word and got a start on two of the stories.

Progress is miserably, painfully slow and I’m avoiding reading what little I’ve written, but at least it’s happening.

Oh, and today? The Firstborn got out a sticker book his grandfather gave him for his birthday and, aside from helping him find which stickers went with the pages he wanted to do, I did not watch him at all.

There’s hope for me yet.

Filed Under: motivation, short stories, writing process

do you NaNo?

October 30, 2008 4 Comments

National Novel Writing Month is almost upon us. This year November had the good sense to begin on a Saturday so all the eager novelists can get off to a flying start. I, unfortunately, will not be among them. I have a soft spot for NaNoWriMo, which gave me 50K-plus words on my first (and much loved) novel, The Changeling, in 2003. Since then, I have been too busy having babies, being pregnant, or dealing with the unpredictable sleeping patterns of newborns to take another stab at it. Next year…

Paperback Writer has compiled a great list of tips and links for NaNo-ers.

Who is participating in the novel-writing madness this year?

Filed Under: motivation

the secrets that we keep

September 3, 2008 2 Comments

I had a revelation last week while I was doing a bit of freewriting on why I write. Amidst the usual reasons of megalomania (“I am GOD of this world! Tremble, all ye minions! Bwahahaha!”) and delusions (“The voices in my head told me to write this”) of grandeur (“I will be rich and famous!”), I came up with this unexpected motivation:

I write to have something that is just mine, something I don’t have to share with the people I live with, to have a reason to carve out time and space for myself.

I’m not especially saintly and altruistic, but I do spend a lot of time doing things for other people. I kinda have to, seeing as I’m at home with three kids under the age of four. I feed and clothe and diaper; I sweep floors and wash dishes; I read books aloud and help with puzzles; I mediate disputes and drive my cherubs to playdates and doctor’s appointments. I don’t say this because I think I merit some kind of Mommy Prize–pretty much every mommy I know does this, and is happy to (except for maybe the dishes part). I say this because I am inherently a selfish person who needs a lot of down time for herself and mental and physical space to just think. Writing allows me a guilt-free way to get all that; after all, I’m not just flipping through a magazine or aimlessly surfing the Internet. I’m being productive, creative, inspired, thoughtful, disciplined, risk-taking, adventurous.

Oh, yeah, and getting that time to just myself.

I’m not sure whether this revelation changes anything. But it was a neat “huh, I never knew that about myself” moment.

Filed Under: guilt, motivation
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