fun!

The first of the challenges is done! And it wasn’t nearly as squirm-inducing as I thought it would be. I wrote it to It’s My Life and Can’t Get You Out of My Head (oh, and while trading a non-sleeping infant back and forth with the husband). Gotta love that kind of scenario. :D

A snippet (unedited first draft, ignore typos, grammatical errors, etc etc):

She stood in the doorway, one shoulder propping up the door frame, hands buried deep in the pockets of that tattered old trench coat he’d seen her in a hundred times. Light brown hair pulled back from her face in a ponytail, grey eyes frowning. Mud stains on her jeans, ugly combat boots on her feet.

He thought he was looking at an angel.

“Natalia.” Peter lifted a hand towards her. He had no idea how she’d managed to get past the many rings of security personnel, telepathic and not, surrounding him, but she had done it. Of course she had.

She spoke, softly, gently. “Idiot.”

I love that gal. :D

ungh

Yes, that is a very articulate title for a blog post, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, that’s how I feel right now. Remember the revise-and-resubmit request I got a while ago? I worked on the story in question all weekend, and my changes still have not accomplished what I hoped they would. I’m wondering if I should just rewrite from scratch.

I was hoping to just do fun writing this week, but this story is going to bug me until I get it right.

Off to unload and reload the dishwasher. Maybe that will get the ol’ juices flowing.

refuge

Do you have a refuge, a safe haven? A place to retreat to when you’re stressed and tired and it’s just been one of those days? Maybe it’s a physical space–a nearby park, a mountaintop that can only be reached after a long hike, a nook in your home that’s yours and yours alone. Maybe you find that safe place in a phone call to your best friend, the pages of your journal, in prayer. Maybe it’s an activity–kneading dough, digging in the dirt, pulling down the shades and dancing to music cranked way high.

Or maybe it’s a place inside your head, like the one I created as a child. I hadn’t been there in a long while, indeed I had mostly forgotten it. One night, I lay in bed after a long day, closed my eyes and there I was.

I stood in a wasteland, a giant’s playground of broken rock and twisted thorny trees. The air was icy-cold, the kind of cold that makes it hurt to breathe, and dry, too dry to snow. Two moons hung in the night sky; one a slender blue crescent, the other round and pumpkin-orange. Off in the distance, rising vertically out of the ground, stood a plateau, black against the starry sky. This was not comfortable country; it was indifferent, remote, vaguely threatening. Anything might be lurking amidst the man-sized boulders.

I picked my way over the rock-strewn ground until I reached a tree, a deformed thing skulking among the huge rocks. I ducked under the dry twiggy fingers of its low-hanging branches, turned sideways to squeeze past a boulder, and slid into a narrow crack in the trunk.

It was bigger inside than outside (one of those trees), and cheery with a friendly orange light hovering above. I poked at the wood, looking for a button or lever (It had been a long time since I was last here, and I’d forgotten how the mechanism worked). Somehow, I tapped out the right code and the ground under me slid down, like an elevator. I descended into darkness, leaving the orange light behind. The strange elevator came to rest and I stepped out into what was essentially a huge underground apartment complex. A dim bluish light was the only illumination; to my left was a railing and a view of a deep lightless pit, to my right was a curving wall of round doors. It was a quiet, sleepy place; I got the sense that behind those doors dozens of denizens–human and not–were abed. I walked until I got to a door that looked familiar; a key from my pocket fitted the lock.

The place inside was small, cosy and crowded with books, teacups and (for some reason) lots of boots. The ceilings were low, the doorways rounded, the floor uneven. The kitchen table abutted the small living room; one could sit in an armchair and have dinner at the table. The “bedroom” was a curtained alcove. A small door led out of the kitchen and the window beside it showed that outside was a well-tended garden, hidden in a remote valley surrounded by forested mountains (this is a magic place, remember).

I took off coat and shoes, made myself a cup of tea, and went to bed.

Somewhere in the real world, the real me also fell asleep.

what my kids taught me about taking risks

Sometime during my childhood, I acquired the label of “not-artistic”. I don’t know whether it was self-inflicted or given to me by someone else, but soon being “not-[insert adjective]” became an excuse for not stepping out of my comfort zone. I didn’t put any effort into art classes (and dropped them as soon as I could) because I was “not-artistic”. I didn’t try out for a sports team because I was “not-athletic”. The “not-this-or-that” label became a self-defense mechanism–a defense against setting myself up for failure, or worse, making a fool of myself in front of, like, everyone.

As I was doing crafts with my kids the other day, it occurred to me that kids take risks all the time. They are born knowing virtually nothing, except for ‘I need that liquid life mommy milk goodness!” and ‘I hate being wet/poopy/too cold/too hot/put down/hungry”. They have to acquire skills like sitting up, holding onto things, walking. They have to learn how to say “construction vehicles”, learn how to use a pencil or hold scissors, feed themselves without ending up with their dinners down their shirts. They have an innate lack of fear and a lack of caring about what other people may think; whether or not they may get hurt or however much their parents may giggle over seeing them plop onto their bottoms, they will learn to walk and climb and run and jump. They will learn to say “something” instead of “somefing”, they will learn to write and draw and read.

Now lack of fear and not caring what other people think of you are not virtues in and of themselves (heaven knows that I wish sometimes my kids would display a healthy fear of falling or care about not embarrassing me and themselves by throwing a fit in the middle of the store), but for someone like me who is over-cautious and cares entirely too much about appearing the fool, it is a good reminder that without risk, there is little growth and no improvement. Having kids has loosened me up in many good ways (and probably many bad ways–I am entirely too eager to swap childbirth stories, heh) and accepting risk and learning to not take myself too seriously are two of them.

So, I’m going to challenge myself to break free from the safe and comfortable and known and venture into some new territory. And have fun doing so. I’m going to call it my Week-Month-Year Challenge and yeah, it’s a silly name, but it’s almost 11 pm and it fits.

So here’s my challenge to myself:

In one week, I’m going to write what Holly Lisle calls a “candybar scene” from this science fiction romance story I’ve been kicking around for years but never had the guts to write. It’ll probably be a romantic scene which makes me blush and squirm a little to even confess but there you have it. We’re on a train, leaving Comfortsville.

In one month, I’m going to create a nice big collage. I’m always doing crafts with/for the kids, and dangit, I want to do one all by myself. Maybe having my own art project will keep me from micromanaging the kids’.

In one year, I’m going to work through Drawing with Children and take a drawing class and post up some of my work on this blog, for the viewing pleasure of the whole world (or at least the part of it that is online). Wow, I can’t even see the skyline of Comfortsville from here anymore! Anyone got snacks to share?

I invite you to join me in this madness. Challenge yourselves. If you’re a geeky computer-programmer-type guy (*waves*), write a love sonnet to your wife. If you take really great photographs (no, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone–what makes you think that?), do a sketch of one of your subjects. If you make really cool crafts from old jeans… well, you’re way ahead of me there, so, um, make some more really cool crafts from old jeans.

Keep an eye on this space for updates on how my challenges are going.

a life of literary allusions

One of the exciting things about being a parent is introducing books to my little ones. They go from interacting with the physical books–chewing them, pulling them off shelves, stuffing them in various holes, crevices and nooks, turning pages and pointing to pictures–to interacting with the story itself. This is the fun stage my oldest son is at; he enacts the stories (though the enthusiastic chopping down of Truffula trees with an axe made out of Tinkertoys is not, perhaps the take-home message of The Lorax), talks about them and brings them into his real life.

The other day, while we were out on a family walk, the Firstborn started to make grimacing faces. “Look, Mommy! I smile at the good and frown at the bad*!” I cracked up and after that we were off and running, with the literary allusions flying fast and thick between us, calling the full moon a bowl of milk** and me teasing him that I would turn into a pumpkin at eight. (He insisted I would be a hen instead, then got upset when I made clucking noises, and turned me back into Mommy.)

I love how kids get into stories. I love that, after reading One Morning in Maine, the Firstborn took his sister to dig clams in our yard (good luck, kids!). I love that he’s memorized whole books; the other day he sidled up to me and told me that he’d be my best friend and give me five bucks if I let him drive the bus***. Oh, and he bet my mom would let him. I love how kids just dive into the material; playacting, drawing, building, asking questions, reinterpreting, weaving these stories into the fabric of their lives.

And I love how shared reading experiences bring us together as a family. That we can use these books as springboards for games, shared activities, crafts, silly inside jokes, serious conversations.

Here’s to many more years of sharing stories.

* Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans

** Kitten’s First Full Moon by Kevin Henkes

*** Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems

endings and beginnings

Summer is coming to an end.

The nights are getting chillier, the fans are off and the kids are back in warm fleecy PJs. Tent caterpillars weave their gauzy homes in the trees and crickets chirp under rocks and in the grass. Local strawberries are long gone and the blueberry supply is rapidly dwindling. That last explosion of summer bounty is here: Pennsylvania peaches, sweet corn, melons, early apples. Today, after getting home from dinner out, I noticed that some of the trees have gotten an early start on changing into their autumn finery. This evening I sat in the rocking chair and drank a mug of steaming hot chocolate.

I love living where there are seasons. Each turn is like a new beginning, a fresh page, a chance to start anew. This summer has been one of transition; now is the time for settling down, living quietly, thinking deeply, rejoicing greatly.

just a few words

I have to face it: my time is at a premium right now.

When the kids are up and about (that’s from about 8 am till 9 pm), I’m busy nursing, diapering, schooling, playing, sporadically cleaning, fetching this and carrying that, mediating sibling squabbles, admonishing, disciplining, reading aloud and once in a while, cooking. Often I’m doing two or more at the same time (before you ask, I have not, as yet, mastered doing *all* of these things simultaneously). After the baby goes down between 9-10 pm, I have some time to do uninterrupted cleaning or take care of personal needs, such as taking a shower. Even then, I’m “on call” for night feedings. Oh, and I need sleep, too.

Needless to say, my writing time is limited.

I used to be one of those people who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) write unless I could be assured of having an hour or more block of time to slip into The Zone and produce a lot of wordage. Since now the choice is between writing a little and not writing at all, I’ve started to use those 10-15 chunks of time I can steal from the rest of my day, which has netted me a daily few hundred words.

The quality of those words is not important to me right now: what I want is to create a habit of daily writing, a habit so ingrained that I feel antsy if I haven’t written all day. I’m pleased to say that tonight I did write, after having resigned myself to not doing so since I had a lot of cleaning to accomplish (I’m also pleased to report that the cleaning got done, too–go, me!). And the writing happened even though I was typing one-handed and had a sleeping baby on my shoulder.

Just a few words, but I feel darned good about them.

And tomorrow I’m taking a guilt-free evening off to hang out with my good friend and watch a movie. Writers just wanna have fun *grin*.

finally finished

No, not the story, but this book that I’ve been reading for the past three weeks (a long time for me): Adams vs. Jefferson: The Tumultous Election of 1800 by John Ferling. It’s one of those books that are so densely-written that you can only take in five or so pages at a time. David wondered why it didn’t make my BLiTS List (short for List of Books I Abandoned Because Life is Too Short). That’s because, as a new citizen, I’ve made it a personal goal to learn about American history. I’ve been reading about the American Revolution and the early years of the republic for little over a year now. It sounds more impressive than it actually is–it takes me a while to get through books like, say, David McCullough’s John Adams which is a huge (but surprisingly entertaining and definitely informative) tome. I must say that I’m enjoying the process; reading different historians’ take on the same events and people is giving me a better grasp on the history of those times.

I expect that some of my fiction is going to be influenced by this course of study. So much fantasy tends to be boring when it comes to government: either monarchical or oligarchical. It would be interesting to explore the ideas of the American Revolution in a fantasy setting.

Next up is Ron Chernow’s Alexander Hamilton.

The Lime Pie Theory of Short Fiction

I have long agreed with James Macdonald’s assessment that writing a short story is like making a lime pie (at least, the way he describes the baking of said pie–I’ve never tried it myself). He writes:

In the same way, a short story either works or it doesn’t. Once prepared, using all your skill, you can’t go back and revise it into something that isn’t lime-flavored runny glop.

This is consistent with my experience. For every short story of mine worth submitting, there is at least one other that didn’t make the cut languishing on my hard drive. Some stories are partially written; I lost interest partway through, kind of like wandering off in the middle of baking a pie, except that eventually you have to come back to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Other stories I wrote till The End but they just feel “meh”. Many of these stories are purely experimental; short fiction is where I try out new techniques like second person POV, present tense and decidedly unlikeable protagonists. Some stories are based on a weird (in a cool kind of way) premise too slight for a novel to carry. Others revolve around some startling image that is, again, too thin for a novel. Since my time and emotional investment in a short story has always been small (compared to a novel!), I’ve always had the “Either it works, or it doesn’t” attitude towards them. Re-re-re-revising (squared) a short story is not worth it–for all that investment I could write a few new ones.

Until now.

I’m working on a short story right now: two first-person POVs, both unreliable narrators, linear narrative structure of the one POV broken up by the scattered scraps of the other POV. It’s a hard slog and the story is slowly giving up it’s secrets to me (like, one at a time, always during a shower. I may have to get very very clean if this story is going to be done any time soon). I wouldn’t call my efforts a first draft; it’s more like a zero draft, as in version 0.39. The point is, even as I’m cooking it, I know that this story needs a lot of fixing.

So, even though I know I measured some ingredients incorrrectly and that I forgot to keep an eye on that pot on the stove and now something is burning, is there any hope for this poor story? Or is it doomed to be an instructive failure?

Will my pie turn out? Stay tuned…

just show up

I came to my WIP tonight completely drained of creative energy, my well of ideas and image all dried up. As I opened up my story document, I wondered what in the world I was going to write besides [insert something clever here] and “blah, blah, blah”. After a few blank moments, I started typing and behold! there were words. Some of them were blah and I have one or two [insert secondary character's name here] placeholders, but there were a few pretty turns of phrase and some fun images as well. And I gleaned yet another piece of information that just might make this story work.

Sometimes, you just need to show up at the pages of your work. No fancy mental tricks, aside from having just showered away the day’s stresses; no mind mapping or meditations or stream-of-conscious journaling to break through the block.

Just show up. And write.